Communication is essential to every relationship, as well as any divorce. It might sound ironic to say that there can be a “successful divorce,” but there are ways to make a divorce easier, and the resulting solution as beneficial as it can be.
Without communication, proceedings can take months and even years- sometimes decades. Without talking, nothing is able to be achieved and couples may remain in a stale-mate, a sort of purgatory, until they’re willing to speak in a way that will promote thoughtful conversation. Divorce coach Cathy Myer identifies ” Refusing to communicate” as one of the top things to avoid during a divorce. In one of her articles on the subject, she writes, “It is easy to say you want to put aside anger at your spouse, and a lot easier to say that than actually do it. Putting that anger aside and communicating will save you money in the end. If you can only communicate via lawyers, you will pay a fee for every communication. As I said above, you will have two households to support. The less money you give a divorce lawyer the more left over to support those two households” (www.divorcesupport.about.com).
Communication is absolutely necessary to make the decisions you need to make, and there are a variety of decisions that must be dealt with during the process. Like Myer says, lack of communication leads to longer proceedings and costs you more money and more time. Though it can be very difficult to want to talk to someone you’re ending a relationship with, it’s something that has to be done and something you should be willing to do if you want to find a fast and effective solution.
It’s surprising that so many people find it difficult to communicate properly, especially when considering most everything in our lives depends on some form of communication. Below are some tips to help you communicate during the divorce process:
1. Focus on the bigger picture: Though communication might seem hard, even impossible at the time, you must realize how essential discussions are for a quick resolution and a mutually beneficial arrangement.
2. Realize that healthy communication is the key to the best outcome: Speaking up will ensure you get the recognition you’re entitled to. Let your voice be heard, express your wishes so they can be addressed- if both partners do this there will be a much better chance that an agreement will be formed and stuck to.
3. Show understanding: Most couples dealing with divorce suffer from feelings of resentment and anger. With so much circulating hostility, it’s hard to listen to the other person. However, if you both choose to be understanding, there is less of a chance of escalation, and common ground can hopefully be reached.
There are divorce mediators that can help you through the process and help you have the difficult conversations you need to. Divorce mediators encourage communication and are there to assist in all aspects of the divorce. Mediators realize the importance of expression and it’s their job to facilitate communication.